3 am Wake Up Call…no thanks…

What the eff??? Up at 3 am with Haydo Potatoe! Waking up, rocking back to sleep, aiding in hydration? All fine! No problems! I gotcha baby girl!! Happily will do all those things. In return, would you kindly just drift off to sleep again, ok?? Oh, no?? Little baby insomnia has arrived? I’ve never had any troubles with my kids sleeping. As of late, thanks to our new big girl beds, seems I’m retrieving little ones from the floor and returning them into bed. But, yet again a simple task I don’t mind in the least. However, rocking, and singing, and water needs were met, and you’re still blinking, looking up at me? Ah hell!! And so the dance begins. Constantly questioning my decisions. When do I leave the room, and let her fall asleep on her own? Do I cave and take her into our room and sleep with mommy and daddy? Do I assemble her crib, and get her back into that and just going backwards in life just to I can catch some zzzz’s??? Oh so many hard life choices when I barely can walk myself to the bathroom and pee! So when the rocking and sweet, sweet singing doesn’t do the trick…into our bed we go! About an hour goes by on that trick! TV was on, she wanted to watch everything! Turned off, she’s caressing my face and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Sure, pretty precious. But mamas needs her beauty rest!!! And why don’t these daddy’s we have hear a thing?? Or ever sit up and say “I got this! Beautiful. You just drift gently back to sleep and I’ll get the little one to sleep! I’ll put her back in her bed, run out and get you a coffee and book a pedicure for you!” Ok. I got carried away. But I’d settle for “I’ll stay awake and make sure they don’t die.” You know…simple. Realistic dreamer here. But no. Just a lot of shifting around in bed getting comfortable while I, and Jesus take the wheel! So when that didn’t result in SUCCESS, back into the room to go. Trying all kinds of tricks. Night light on, night light off, holding her a different way while rocking, putting even more fresh ice into her arctic water, a diaper change, and snack, a pony, a balloon and parade through the room…even climbing into her bed!!! Oh I know it’s risky business, but I’m desperate at this point!!!! Fetal position, large ass hanging significantly over the edge, playing Russian Roulette with the weight restrictions…you know you’ve been there too! And alas. Nothing. Still blinking at me. Shouting out requests. By now, it’s time for some tough love only mama can provide! I exit the room. Screaming ensues. Banging on the door, thrashing around…and worst of all…she wakes her sister! Boy am I living the pages of “Go the F#€% To Sleep” book. By now…I’m done. And it’s best I just leave them to figure it out, because mamas nerves are frail and and chewed on and shits about to get real because you’re messing with my sleep!!!! I return and actually have a moment of heart exploding with love because Hope got on the floor, laid next to Hayden, and rubbed her back and calmed her down! I’m telling you…moments that seriously make you question your sanity that you’re seeing something sooo beautiful and amazing and you’re not worthy of pure perfection…right after you were for certain you were dialing for an ambulance to bring the straight jacket and haul you away!!! To sweet sweet freedom! Moments like these that make it all worth it!! God, I swear sprinkles those in when you’re at the breaking point. When you’re at the “Fuck it! I’m out!” point. Just to bring ya back into the game! It’s very strategic, and extremely effective!! So I think…they’re safe. They’re lying on the floor together. They might be awake…but they’re ok in there. I’ll get a little shut eye….because it’s 5am now, and I deserve it. A little cap nap if ya will? I’m flooded with overwhelming emotions of the sweetness I’m witnessing, and reminding myself the amazingness that twins can only bring to your life! I was

Action shot of the scene of the crime!

ready to drift off, it’s quiet. I look at the monitor. No babies to be found in the screen. Shit! It can only mean one thing…they’ve climbed onto their dresser in the closet. At first I think, I’ll just wait for them to get back down. They do it all the time. It was taking forever. Then it hits me…I had left ALL their butt cremes out on top of their dresser, the changing table. I knew…it was time to go back in, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. I swing open the door. There they are. Coated. Desitin smeared all over their bodies. They were just lathering it up between their grubby little fingers, and laughing it up!!!! That’s it!! Mamas pissed!! Lights on, clothes on! We’re going for a car ride! God bless Starbucks for opening so early!! Loaded up the girls, got my coffee, and even paid for the person’a coffee behind me. Trying to get right with the universe again. Because, kids are assholes.