Cry, just a little, for me…or a lot

Ever go for a drive? Alone? I know, CRAZY thought!! And a song comes on from your play list…and, Instant. Tears. Anyone??? You may be feeling low, stressed, overwhelmed, PMSing, had a fight with your spouse or kid. Maybe you’re like me, having a wonderful little Sunday. Driving with the windows down, sun is shining, then Rascall Flatts song pops on “I Won’t Let Go”. It’s a song that reminds me of when I lost my Grandma. A song that I dedicated to my husband, when I couldn’t find all the words needed to express how I felt for him when he lost his mom. When going through the loss of our first baby due to miscarriage, and all our Infertility struggles, this was a song I thought God may be singing right to me. It’s the words, the tempo, just a piano and the singer promising all the darkness you are traveling through, I will stand by you, dry your eyes, hold you tight, and won’t let go. Who doesn’t need that?? Everyone!!

How many times do tears creep up on you when you’re lost in thought driving? In the shower? Picking up your kids’ toys for the millionth time, and find they’ve left a half eaten apple in their “kitchen”? You’re ready to check into that pity-party, party of one? But how many times do we actually “give in” to the emotions washing over us? NEVER! Who has time for that? There’s dishes to wash, laundry to get done for the kids tomorrow! Or better yet, you’ll mess up your pretty little face on your way into work. People may see the streams down your face where tears erased your perfectly placed make-up application, and then, oh shit!! People would KNOW!! Know you are human and CRYING!?!? God no, not that!! Anything but awareness of you having a pulse, showing emotion, and it accidentally spilling out of your eyes down your face!! Why do we associate tears with weakness? I hate that!! I’m a hairstylist. You know people tell us their deepest, darkest secrets. I’ve heard some crazy stuff over my 15 year career! I’ve become an non-licensed therapist. Sometimes I’m the place where they can let it out, and we usually cry together. Sometimes they can tell the saddest story with not one single tear. It’s crazy! It’s because this society we live in has such a negative impression and opinion of crying!

Now let’s see if my high school English class, “Research Methods”, can kick in so I can properly quote and reference an article I just read on all the health benefits crying provides! It’s from Judith Orloff, M.D. In an article called “The Health Benefits of Tears” on Psychology Today website, she writes this:

“Emotional tears have special health benefits. Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. After studying the composition of tears, Dr. Frey found that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones.”
So you release toxins?? And release feel good endorphins?? She goes on to explain how you reduce your heart rate and calm yourself after a crying fit. Amazing!!! Why do we stuff them away then? Fight them off? Apologize when they leak out and you can’t hold them back anymore? Life is frickin hard people! Like REALLY HARD!! I don’t know if you’re aware?! People, most likely you yourself, go through some insane heart ache, loss, stress, self deprecation, anxiety, just some SHIT. Why can’t we acknowledge it? Be kind to ourselves? Release it out into the world, rather than hold it inside, only to toxify us and harm us? I know when my stress level is out of control, which is always I feel, I burst!!! And it ain’t pretty! Similar to a can of biscuits. It’s unexpected, it always scares ya, and it oozes out of everywhere! Sounds like I could head my own advice and release a little more! Don’t you feel so good after a good cry?

That release. It’s so cleansing. And we as parents sooooo need to do it more. In front of your loved one, friends, your children. Let them know you’re overwhelmed, hurt, exhausted, HUMAN, and maybe just need a hug!! Someone to reassure they hear you, see you, and value you! They might not have to understand, but can listen. Or, safely cry in your car, bathroom, shower, or laundry room! Wherever!! Just to get it out! God blessed us with that gift, and I wish it didn’t come with such a negative stereotype. I love it. I cry all the time, much to my husbands chagrin. Never have I thought it was a sign of weakness! I think it proves to me someone who cries they are feeling, and living, and strong enough to not care what others think or say! To do the hard work of feeling, and then to release it. Allow. Such a powerful word I learned this past week. Allow.

So, I encourage you to turn on that song that takes you “there”. A hard place. A sad place. A dark place that needs a little light shown into it, and let yourself feel. ALLOW yourself to be free. Let yourself maybe even let it out of your body to no longer take up residency in yourself. Even if it’s on a Sunday afternoon, sun shinin drive to go get sandwiches. I gave in, didn’t care about the people at the stop lights around me. I thought about my Grandma, my mother-in-law, that beautiful baby of ours we never got to meet…and I just release, and allowed. Knowing in those dark days, I never stood alone!

If you don’t have a song, I’ll lend you mine…