Oh man. Ever feel like a hamster on a wheel?? Mostly your thoughts in your head?? All. Over. The. BOARD! I just came to the conclusion today….I’m tired. Duh! But mostly, I want my little brain to settle itself on down! Quit firing off amazing ideas, thoughts…questions self-doubt! I suppose that’s the joy of being a woman, and then being a mom sends ya over the edge. I’m in the sonic drive thru now, like ya do at 9:45pm, before heading? into the Wally-Marts. It’s standard. Oh wait…pause…an amazing song just came on my pandora. I must. sing. along.
Ok! I’m back. SQUIRREL!! You guys, if ya know me, you know I can’t let a little Faith Hill number slip on by without me giving it my all like I’m on “The Voice” stage…waiting for ALL of the judges to turn around! Ok. Where was I? SEE!?! My point exactly. All over the board! I know I’m not alone. I hear it a lot. The walking around the house, usually from one room to another to grab one item? Along the way, the pit stops don’t end till you’ve arrived to where you were going. Clueless. Always with an arm FULL of God knows what. Things that belong in the laundry room, the trash, a light snack, a child. You know. So much stuff! Because we can’t stop. We can’t NOT see something, and not want to grab it, move it, clean it, rearrange it, re-purpose it! Why didn’t God bless us with multiple limbs. I now envy the octopus. Just give that a moment of thought, and let’s all reflect on how life could be! Glorious. Maybe my naked babies wouldn’t run out the front door as much. Maybe.
Today I just couldn’t stop worrying. It started out of the gate! I had my monitor on low, so I didn’t hear the little monkeys awaken. They’re so good about staying in they’re room content and playing with one another, because they have to. We’ve made it so they can not come out till I have released them. It’s for everyone’s safety!! Lol I heard them and leaped out of bed!. Looked at the time and was shocked! How did I sleep so late? I hit the floor running, full of worry! Did they sleep in too late? How will this effect the rest of the day? Made breakfast. They didn’t eat anything. Did they get enough to eat? Should I make a a small cruise ship breakfast buffet? Continue offering items. No. I am well aware they will eat if they need to! But still…the hamster in the wheel carries out his lifetime sentence of forcing you to worry. It’s his only mission in life. Poor fella.
Shockingly, we arrive late to our chiropractor appointment. Heavy sarcasm. Listen, I’m the only person on earth to have two year old twin toddlers. I’m not sure if you knew that, but it’s a fact. Do you know just how difficult it is to clothe a flailing human?? DO YOU?? Ugghh…and TWO of them?? Well take a seat and let ME tell you. It ain’t pretty. It involves a lot of sweating, crying, tantrums. And that’s just ME. And then to get them into the garage without seeing some random toy they haven’t played with in months, but just CAN’T part with for the 45 minutes out of their life they will be away from the homestead. A simple task that could eat up 5 minutes out of your life has now turned into a 2 HOUR ordeal. The screaming. Biting. Brushing the hair. More screaming. The aimless wondering about. And someone please tell my why children turn into contortionists, or David Blaine with escaping your mother death- grip?? It’s insanity. But also, true raw talent. For that, I applaud them. Not, however, when the clock is ticking away, laughing in your face. The clock, of which, your children no absolutely nothing about!! More worry. Now that little hamster is running for his life in that wheel, and smoke is arising from his adorable little hamster legs! The anxiety rises. These animals, I mean kids, can smell it! They prey on it! I know for sure I NEVER did this as a child. My mother has never threatened “payback” to me in regards of my childhood behavior. So imagine my shock when my children conduct themselves in this way. Ludicrous. And rude, clearly. Two year olds these days, no respect for their elders.
Make it to the chiropractor. I offer my apologies…but they’re empty at this point, and he knows it. I’m not even ashamed. I own it. Because, well, how could anyone understand? I’m the only one on the planet who has children!!! Lol We climb back in the car with bribery of suckers and a short in-flight movie.! I’m so exhausted from the loading of Noah’s Ark earlier, I’m ready for the “easy button”. Again with the thinking. Do I push it now, then make homemade dinner? Or do I assemble something magical from the bare cupboards and call it good? But now you remember the heavy rejection of the mornings cheesey eggs…the dog didn’t even want to eat them off the table like he always does. Maybe I’m losing it! Driving. Thinking. Stop? Don’t stop. “Save the money Blayr!” Or “Come on Blayr, you deserve it! Plus, you can’t take that it when ya go anyway!” Buy lunch through the drive-thru.” I want to punch myself in the face…but then would worry if my feelings were hurt right after! So much thinking that, WHOOPS! I’m home! I drove all the way home in that time! Its decided. Grasping for creative lunch options, you got it! Surprisingly, the little monkeys ate what was served! Mama win! The hamster begins to relax, well, spin the wheel at a slower rate. And taboot, they’re acting tired! It’s only noon. This day has been so good. You just know nap is going to go like a dream. Historically, Blayr, nap time has always been stellar! HA! That was a good one. Almost got it out without laughing. Now comes all the worry, and thinking, and questioning, and doubting yourself..when do I leave the room? Do I commit to it and give it my all and enforce nap time never surrender!! Or, do I say “EFF IT!!! Mamas OUT!” And let them ride it out. Well the ladder ended up as my fate. Let’s be real honest…I believe 99% of the time that’s where I lean towards.
I leave. This time, I was more confident because they both had pooped! No poop logs on the window sill this time! A girl can pray…nonetheless, I got so much accomplished! Laundry. Folding. Hanging items on actual hangers. All the while hearing them play, scream, and laugh! Fine. That’s where I am in life. The “I’m going to shut the door, and you’re not going to die” phase in life! My standards are low. As, yet another amazing moment is passing in my life where I’m patting myself on the back and letting the little hamster “take 5”, and not worry because I’m being an amazing mom, I hear a blood curdling scream!! Ah hell. Stop Blayr! Stop patting yourself on the back. That’s when shit goes downhill FAST!! I run in to see Hayden with huge crocodiles tears, holding her limp hand. Shit. Shit shit SHIT!!! You gave the little hamster a break, and now something on my child is broken!! Good job mom!!! So glad you got that laundry folded while your daughter harms herself! Here. Enjoy a slice of guilt pie! I’m not certain how she did it. I’m thinking a reclined back of recliner plus another sister slamming it in the upright position while her fellow sister’s hand remained in the crevice? I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I’m a mom. I think that is an equivalent detective status! The screaming, the crying, my worrying! The hamster was on overtime now! What do I do? Do I take her in? Will they amputate? Do I call someone? Do I get an ambulance? Do I touch it and move it around? Do I secure it with a popsicle stick? I’m not a Google MD mom, I just refer to old reality shows and Greys Anatomy I’ve watched over the years to qualify me again in medical decision making! Now all the questioning. Second guessing yourself! First thing I do? Call my husband! He’s a doctor! No. No he’s not!! But I trust in him so much, he might as well be! What did he tell me upon calling him in a panic? Call the pediatrician! He’s brilliant!! Why didn’t I think of that?? As I waited for the pediatrician to call back, I observed her. The threat was low that it was serious. She was running around using it to hit her sister and such, so we were pretty safe! The phone call came, I informed the nurse on the phone how I don’t know the protocol for such an event! What do I look for? What should I do. The hamster is wiped. Has its tongue hanging out, ready for retirement. Me too hamster. Me too! I try to explain to the hamster how we’ve only been in this wheel for two and a half years! We’ve got to hang in there!! As my precious little defiant offspring slowly drifted off one by one to their slumber, 4 hours later, in the middle of my family room of all places. On their backs…I decided to just let them. Had a good heart to heart with that hamster. Told him those errands I wanted to do when the girls woke from nap could wait. Bedtime? We’ll just deal with when it gets here. Dinner? Go ahead and slap that “Easy” button” and call it a day! You deserve it! Your kids deserve a mom who accepts defeat sometimes, and stops worrying so much. Sit at the table with them with food someone else prepared for all of you, and take it in! Because you and that hamster have plenty to worry about down the road, and bigger mountains to climb. I have permission to myself to relax, and enjoy…and let that hamster “take 5”.
Wine and Mama Time 