Eggs, with a side of mamas tears…

Being a woman is amazing!! We get to do so many incredible things men don’t! Carry our offspring, multi-task, bleed 12 weeks out of the year, cry openly whenever you want! Mix all that together, and you have my Thursday morning! Riding the PMS rollercoaster is something I never really did till post children (carrying my offspring). It’s no joke either! The ups, the downs, the anxiety, the short temper…on top of cramps and purchasing your necessary toiletry items…it’s just too much! Thursday was the perfect storm of PMSing, chaos, children, and scrambled eggs! I want to cry again just typing it! lol I have been robbed of something I didn’t really know I had. Freedom in the morning! Since the start of our “Big Girl Bed” phase…life came to a screeching hault, and turned upside down! Like I’m sure it did for many unsuspecting parents thinking it was just going to business as usual! My blissful child wake up time had been 9am, and suddenly turned to a 6-6:30am wake up. That’s barbaric and uncalled for for a night owl mama like myself! So my usually casual start to my day with some alone time, is now shared time. I don’t have a chance to get to “winning at life” before the little hellions awake from their slumber and bring my expectations and hopes and dreams for the day down to dark side! Little lovely, glorious assholes! I awake stumble into their room, bad breath and all, to which the girls will ask “mommy poop?” Nope. I try to negotiate more sleep with my littles by rocking them back to sleep. This only awakens them more…and so the day begins. I’m already behind and there’s no catching you till you cry” uncle”, and tag somebody else in your lifeline and say “You’re IN! I’m OUT!” So with low hope for the morning I walked out to the kitchen to assemble something edible. I walk into the pantry to look for cereal. By the time I decide perhaps too much sugar for this morning and let’s do cheesy eggs, I turn around to see Hayden the instigator on the kitchen counter, standing, drizzling Dawn dish soap all over her hands and feet can counter. Laughing! God bless her. She’s having a GREAT time. My blood begins to start to simmer. The heat is rising. Then I get her down. Continue to assemble cheesey eggs. Hope is shockingly, rolling about on the couch, fingers in her mouth and blankie Jonny her face because SHOCKER, she’s still tired!! By now because I accidentally left the lock off the fridge door, Hayden has snuck out some BBQ sauce from the door. Blood is beginning to get a good ripple of activity through it. Hope is now wanting to cook in her kitchen and is asking for a fork or poon! I have yet to crack one egg or fire up the stove top. We’re about a half hour in! Hayden is screaming to “sit up mommy! Sit. Up “ To which I reply no! So she finds the bar stool to the counter where they eat, climbs up it and is splashing in the dirty dishes in the sink. Then places her feet in. Mind you, they have no clothing on, just a diaper, and chewed up food debris all in some pretty dread locks! Are you envisioning a beauty. A homeless beauty? Then we’re on the right track! At this point I threw all the ingredients in and was rolling. Finally Hope resurfaced after working on a “Big Poop”. I change her diaper, get both girls strapped into their seats to ensure no counter dancing, and return to the cooking eggs of which I’m getting misty eyed because how is one human to accomplish such insanity? At this point I look at the clock. My nanny is to arrive in 15 minutes. In that sliver of time I’m to accomplish vacuuming, dusting, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, get my teeth and hair brushed, apply something to my face to make me look alive. Envision the mommy version of the homeless child I just described and your looking at me. Hayden begins to cry because she’s strapped in, unable to maneuver around the counters, Hope is asleep on her pile of blankies waiting for her cheesey eggs. I begin to sob. I was jealous that Hayden got to openly weep, and knew I needed the release to! As my tears forced my body to shake and I remained in the corner of the kitchen, crying my eyes out…the sobbing ceased from behind me. Hayden and Hope were in shock. And started to show compassion! Alas!! They have hearts, and are concerned about mama short circuiting! The PMSing got to be too much, the stress of the kids got to be too much, the fight my husband and I had a month ago got to be too much, the finance struggle got to be too much, my childhood insecurities surfaced, the Sarah McClaghlin save the animals commercial got to be too much, Jack never letting go in Titanic got to be too much…it came to ahead. And then there was sweet sweet release! When PMSing, anything goes…and everything comes out. And its needed! My nanny arrived, I wept openly in front of her, just wanting significant evidence to others that it was ok to send my to the looney bin!! I got in my car, drove away from the scene of the crime, and got the biggest coffee Starbucks offered! I had my release, and was able to openly laugh at the shot show the day gifted me with! At the end of the day, with the wild one Hayden in my arms I told her I loved her, and she whispered it back and drifted to sleep! Perfection. Balance. Insanity. It all takes place in a matter of moments when being a parent!!