No Lunch For You!

I’ve been wanting to blog for awhile now. A place to document the funny moments of my kids’ life, unite with other parents with struggles and successes, and talk real about what it is to be a 30-something mom of twins in this day and age!! I never have enough time. Life comes at you hard and fast and so many times you look down and are like “SHIT! I forgot my running shoes for this race!”  My feelings are a deep well I can always struggle to wrap up in few words, and my humor is a necessary survival tool to keep me sane on this crazy ride!! So tune in, connect with me or others, and let’s all get through this crazy ride call life TOGETHER!!! Safety in numbers is what I always say!
So today I had beautiful amazing plans. Today I recruited my mom and we were going to go out to lunch. In public PUBLIC!! With my 2 year old twin girls! Something my husband has sworn off till our kids are 15! I was beyond excited!! I’ve been overwhelmed by being stuck in my home, cabin fever, exhaustion, and just missing being out and about among normal, vibrant people…you know, people ready to make me food!! People who are getting paid to make me happy! lol… it’s pathetically easy to do these days! I find myself lusting after the simple things I used to do before kids. Pedicures, eating out in restaraunts, drinks with friends, having friends. So now these new vibrant people I want to interact with are people at a restaurant! Oh my, how things have changed! So as I was saying I was allllll excited to go to a place where I didn’t have to prepare lunch or get it through a drive thru while listening to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse blast through my speakers. Well my lovely little darling 2 year olds awoke at 6:45 am. A long cry from the 9am mornin wake up call I used to get from them PRE-big girl beds! That’s a whole different blog entry…but alas, due to the early awakenings, I frequently have toddlers walking around similarly portraying drunks! Falling all over the place, giggling incessantly, eating all food in sight, or just crying. A lot. I have a theory…all our drunken behavior was learned from our toddler years. So needless to say, getting out the door was a real struggle. Fighting with drunks to get dressed is never an easy task. Nonetheless, out the door we were to head to the chiro, then to Grammo’s, my moms’ house to play, then LUNCH!!!! Oh glorious lunch.
Get to Grammos. Where she serves up some delicious cinnamon bread and grape juice. Which I believe to be a cup of the devil because these girls turned into WILD MONKEYS!! They were beyond insane. And that’s saying a lot! Cleaning Grammos floor with the Swiffer like mad women! Running around carrying her rugs! Washing their hands, A LOT! Just wild and unnecessary things were happening! As we played, and laughed and enjoyed Grammos house…it was becoming more apparent that lunch festivities taking place in PUBLIC were slowly slipping out of my grasp! Changing their underoos became a naked streaking fest…which, let’s face it, is about 90% of their daily activity these days. I gave one last push for a chance at a dream come true, my value for food is off the charts and I’ll stop at nothing to make my dreams come true. Grammo slapped a little more make-up on and I said “This is for sure A Go!” Till I was wrestling a hyenia to put a fresh diaper on and was chasing the other who had a Swiffer broom screaming “NO!!”. Defeat was mine. I could only envision disastrous events happening at lunch! And how could I put my new best friends, being paid to serve me food and make me happy in such a position of ruining their day?? I just couldn’t! So I settled on a kidless ride to Jimmy Johns, with adult music and uninterrupted, mindless, scrolling through Facebook in the drive thru line and dream of yet again when I can be among the living again!! I surrendered to a morning filled with giggles, cleaning, streaking, and most importantly quality time with Grammo making memories! I’ll settle for that anyway! They were tuckered out, fell asleep on the car ride home, and actually stayed ALSEEP for the daunting transfer from car to bed! Victory was mine!! I even got a little cat nap in myself! Nothing got done around the house. Breakfast is still on top of the stove, and Hayden proudly sprinkled her raisin like poop all over their bedroom upon waking up. Sounds like a predictably unpredictable, normal, perfect day! And we all survived, we all love to see another day. I’ll take it.